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Archive for January, 2008

Did u know all these….??

I love you…..

Your name is the sweetest word for me…
You are the first thing I think about when I wake up.
The last thing I think about before I go to sleep..
I am energized when thinking of you…
I hear your voice repeatedly…
and now I am not new to this…
A beautiful rush of my heart strings…
A smile that comes to my face when I see you..
Your smile which makes me to think are you smiling cos of me…
My laugh when i listen something funny from you..
You are gentle and soft to my ears..
I think of you…
And my fingertips no longer belong to me…
My face tingles…
My body becomes aware of you…
The world slows with you…
You stand behind me…
With your hands in mine…
Holding forever…
The wind from your side touching my face…
like Running your fingers through my hair…
My every look sees you, wants to see you…
my every step is a step closer to you…
You make me want to be a better person…
I love writing this to you…
Say everything I really feel…
No humor…
Letting feelings flow through my body…
and into my fingers…
My mind opens to your wonderful place…
A dream with you in it…
Becoming wide awake and full of intoxication of you…
I want to say your name over and over…
As if every time I say it…
You are closer to me…
You are already here…
In my heart…
In my mind…
In my soul…
My body is quenched by you…
I hold the thought of your voice…
in my head…
As if it were my best friend…
Then…
I am released from my confinement…
I roam through planets..
And stars…
I walk through the ocean sand with you…
I sing songs to you…
And with you…
You fill me…
 
Did u know all these….


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Lonely

I don’t remember the moment our friendship had changed into something else. It was not a sudden transition like the soft breeze turning into a howling wind.Not even that of the pleasant drizzling transformed into a harsh thunderstorms, It was quite vague, rather!

It might have started when I had missed talking to you for the first time…It might have happened when you had said something as though you had had the ownership rights over me…It could have occurred when I had dialled your number anticipating the pleasure of hearing your voice at the very first moment…It could even have started when you had called me up, hurt and bleeding in your heart, sharing your wounds with me and wanting to get the solace from me…It could have happened in a million other ways and it had happened!

We were just sharing…we were sharing the finer details on our family, friends and that of our work life! We were sharing the comfortability of being the people of the same age group.We were sharing the hardships, happiness and that of innumerable ups and downs of our respective lives! We were sharing the day to day activities that take us thru the sunrise till the sunset! We were just sharing…

It was so comfortable being together with you, chatting, talking, meeting, But essentially we had felt all alone together in the middle of all these happenings! There was this contentment of just being together with you. There was this huge safety zone of liking and understanding each other. It was so easy being with you that I could always complete what you had wanted to say. And amazingly most of the time, you did the same thing…

Though we shall be the happiest when we shall be together…….
Thinking of the end of all these… I  would be longing to get back together as well. Would be thinking of each other when we are apart from one another…

but by the end of all these, I shall be with my family. And you shall be with your own family.

We are together and we are not together. We cannot be together all the time as we have a history of our own. The history exists well before we had met each other and had started longing for each other.
I had evolved a strict code of circle around me and was circling within that circle all through my life. It was home, work, home, work and then home again! There was this sort of a basic contentment and calm in such a life. No complications and no troubles…just home, work and home again!
And then, I had met you!

You were an ordinary person, just like I was! Not spectacularly outstanding!  You were just you, an ordinary person, just like I was just I, an ordinary person…You were running around within your own circle, created by you for you, your family and for your friends, much like I was running within my own circle all thro my life…

Somehow, we had met and became good friends. It was as though we had been destined to meet and become good friends…Talking to you was as easy and as comfortable as though sliding over the ice sheet…May be this was the connection of the soul, may be this was something more beyond that! It had amazed me when I had realized that I had let go of thousands of people in all these years of my life and had just chosen you to be my best friend…It was as though unconsciously I was waiting for your arrival for a very long time now…

I had met you just a couple of times in all these months…Because meeting in direct contact with each other was very rare for us.You were living at one corner of the world and I was at the other corner of the world! We had met on a few rare occasions, which have been engraved in my heart!

Still, we had kept in touch on a daily basis…The trust I had had on you was something the most spectacular to me! It was amazing as though there was nothing I couldn’t share with you… You were accommodating, understanding and were always there to listen to my stupid thoughts…

When I had heard your voice, it was as though I had felt the peace and calm descending on me simultaneously! I had felt so happy that I could feel my entire body relaxing from head to toe…You had such a wonderful voice, soothing, teasing and being very nice to listen to…On your part, you had shared with me your daily life and living…the hurts, an occasional insult and the ups and downs of your day to day happenings…

I had felt sympathized with you, enraged at the audacity of the people to hurt or insult you…I just couldn’t stand if someone had uttered even a single word against you!

But then,

It shall be tough for both of us to get out of the whole history of our life time.I wouldn’t know what I shall do without my people.I know you wouldn’t betray the trust of your people either! But still, I long for you with such a longing which frightens my whole being. There are no visible chains that bound me. But still, there are stronger invisible chains that won’t even budge if I want to move off…

Why did I ever meet you?

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किसी की आँखों मे मोहब्बत का सितारा होगा एक दिन आएगा कि कोई शक्स हमारा होगा

कोई जहाँ मेरे लिए मोती भरी सीपियाँ चुनता होगा वो किसी और दुनिया का किनारा होगा

काम मुश्किल है मगर जीत ही लूगाँ किसी दिल को मेरे खुदा का अगर ज़रा भी सहारा होगा

किसी के होने पर मेरी साँसे चलेगीं कोई तो होगा जिसके बिना ना मेरा गुज़ारा होगा

देखो ये अचानक ऊजाला हो चला, दिल कहता है कि शायद किसी ने धीमे से मेरा नाम पुकारा होगा

और यहाँ देखो पानी मे चलता एक अन्जान साया, शायद किसी ने दूसरे किनारे पर अपना पैर उतारा होगा

कौन रो रहा है रात के सन्नाटे मे शायद मेरे जैसा तन्हाई का कोई मारा होगा

अब तो बस उसी किसी एक का इन्तज़ार है, किसी और का ख्याल ना दिल को ग़वारा होगा

ऐ ज़िन्दगी! अब के ना शामिल करना मेरा नाम ग़र ये खेल ही दोबारा होगा

जानता हूँ अकेला हूँ फिलहाल पर उम्मीद है कि दूसरी और ज़िन्दगी का कोई ओर ही किनारा होगा

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 ज़िंदगी तुझसे कोई शिकायत तो नही करता हू….
पर इतना बता दे तू मुझे की मैं ही क्यू आहे भरता हू
क्यूं लोग मुझे अपना बनाने से कतराने लगे है….
क्यूं एक छोटा सा रिश्ता निभाने से घबराने लगे है… शायद मुझसे ही अंजाने मे कोई ख़ता हो गई होंगी
जो उन्होने कांटो की तराहा खुद के मन मैं चुभोलि होंगी….
अगर मुझे उस ख़ाता के अंजाम का अंदाज़ा पहले से होता….
तो ना मैं वो ख़ता करताऔर ना वो हम से जुड़ा होता…. 

जो नही होना थाअब वो हो चुका है….
जिसे नज़रो मे होना थाअब वो कही खो चुका है
खो गया है वो कही गैरों की भीड़ मैं….
और मैं यहा तन्हा हू उनकी यादो की भीड़ मैंक्यूँ मैने उसे इतना अपना बना लिया था…. 
क्यूँ मैने उसे ज़िंदगी का एक सपना बना लिया था….
क्यूँ पाना चाहा था उस चाँद को जो रातो का राजा है…..
क्यूँ इस वीरान ज़िंदगी मैं एक फूल खिलाने की कोशिश की थी……

हर बार उसे याद करके मैने क्या पाया है… 
सिवाय दुख के दूर दूर तक कुछ नज़र नही आया है….
फिर भी उसे जीने के बहाने से याद करता हू
सदा भगवान उसे खुश रखे बस यही एक फरियाद करता हू शायद इस जनम मैं मे अपनी किस्मत अंधेरो मे लिखा कर लाया हू… 
शायद गम,आँसू और तन्हाइयो को अपना साथी बनाकर लाया हू….
शायद ये आँसू बहते बहते कही ख़त्म ना हो जाए….
शायद ये आँखे उनसे अगली बार मिलने से पहेले बंद ना हो जाए””’जो होना है वो तो होगा ही,लेकिन आशा करता हू ज़िंदगी की अगली सुबह
केवल खुशी लेकर आए…..,या फिर ना आए”””’ 

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